FED: Lurve's out, mateship's in: survey

AAP General News (Australia)
12-09-2003
FED: Lurve's out, mateship's in: survey

By Judy Skatssoon

SYDNEY, Dec 9 AAP - Mateship has overtaken love as the best thing between Australian
couples, a survey of more than 1,000 people has revealed.

Australians value companionship, friendship, honesty and trust in relationships, above
still being in love.

They see lack of time and poor communication - as well as the struggle to balance "life"

and work - as the biggest threats to their relationship.

However, young Australian couples appear to be putting their limited time to good use,
with 63 per cent saying they talk to their partner about sex weekly or daily.

Parents like spending time with their children and gain satisfaction from watching them grow.

They are generally well prepared for the lifestyle changes that come with a baby, but
they don't feel comfortable in the role of disciplinarian.

They are also keenly tuned in to the hurts, disappointments and problems of their children
- and the worrying continues long after the kids have come of age.

That's the picture painted of life, love and family in the "noughties" by the Relationships
Australia 2003 Relationship Indicators Survey.

"When it all came down to it, things like being in love rated a lot lower than stuff
like `having somebody I can really trust'," said Relationships Australia national director
Dianne Gibson.

"If you look at all that reality TV, you think it's all very superficial and to do
with attraction and sex and love.

"But when you ask people what really matters, that's not what they're telling us."

However, there was a deep tension between what people wanted from their relationships
and family life, and what they could fit in, Ms Gibson said.

"On the one hand we're saying ... in these relationships I want the things that really
count, the stable things like friendship and companionship," she said.

"But on the other hand, boy am I struggling to get my work-life-family balance right,
and that's really a tough job."

Almost a third of those surveyed (28 per cent) rated companionship and friendship as
the best thing about their relationship, compared with only five per cent who rated love
as the best.

Lack of time was the top issue negatively influencing relationships, according to 38
per cent of respondents.

Money (20 per cent) and children (14 per cent) were also seen as negative influences,
but had dropped down the scale since 1998.

Thirty-seven per cent said watching their children grow, learn and develop was the
most enjoyable thing about being a parent.

Issues like poor sleep habits, lack of respect, sibling rivalry and grumpiness were
nothing compared to parental worry when it came to the least enjoyable thing about parenthood
- with anxiety peaking once children passed 18 years.

Almost half of Australian parents (40 per cent) feel they have no real choice about
their ability to balance family and work, and 89 per cent said their relationships were
in trouble because of the dilemma.

Ninety per cent agreed that a lack of compromise between men and women both wanting
careers was putting relationships in jeopardy.

The survey questioned 1,215 people across Australia over October.

AAP jjs/apm/jlw

KEYWORD: RELATIONSHIPS

2003 AAP Information Services Pty Limited (AAP) or its Licensors.